It’s the only way to really get over an ex, experts say

That you finally had the courage to to break up with someone that wasn’t good for you or someone you thought was your heart forever, it’s hard to let go of someone who was once so deeply rooted in your life. And even if you tell yourself you’re done with them after the relationship is over, it can be hard to really let go. The good news is, the experts say there is a surefire way to help you get over your ex sooner. To see what they suggest you do for a faster recovery, read on, and to learn more about what could be causing a split, check out The more money you spend on it, the more likely you are to divorce.


The “no-contact rule” is exactly what it sounds like: cut off all contact with your ex. While it may be difficult, if not impossible, for people who had been in a more committed relationship involving marriage, a shared home, or children, experts insist it’s the only way to really move forward.

“If you divorce, let your lawyer make contact for legal matters. If you have children, you will need to have contact, but keep it minimal and pragmatic,” he says. Tina B. Tessine, PhD, psychotherapist and author of Dr. Romance’s Guide to Finding Love Today. “Otherwise, no calls, emails, texts, instant messaging, or harassment with your ex on social media; and certainly no personal contact.”

Continuing to talk to your ex or browse their social media blocks the grief you will inevitably feel over the loss. “You need time to cry and think, and you can’t do that by stalking your ex’s Facebook page,” says Tessina. And for more advice on the realities of separation, check out The biggest divorce secret, no one is telling you, experts say.


While psychotherapist Amy sobelman, LCSW, recognizes that “the urges to reconnect are totally natural after a breakup,” she adds, “the” no contact “gives people the time and space to adapt and move on. Talking to an ex-partner too soon can actually put us back into the grieving process by strengthening the attachment. ” Tessina also notes that it’s important to “understand that texting and calling works against you” and “can hurt your self-esteem.”

If you find yourself still talking with your ex, it’s probably because you haven’t given yourself a fair chance to detoxify yourself. “At first you might find it hard to stay away, especially if you’ve been co-dependent in the relationship,” says Tessina. “This kind of destitution is like an addiction, and no contact means becoming ‘cold turkey’, which gives your emotional system a chance to adjust.… Once you have grieve, you will feel much better. , and you ‘I’ll know how to put things in perspective.’ And for more on the ups and downs of the worst kind of breakup, check out Real people reveal the best and the worst things about divorce.

Woman ignoring phone call

Yes, exes can be friends, but not immediately after the breakup when there is mourning and healing that needs to be done. When you find yourself faltering in your resolve not to reach out to your ex, remind yourself why you are not together. Remember that contacting them now will not change this reason.

“The resolution and closure come from inside you, you don’t talk to your ex,” remarks expert in relations and communication Chloe Ballatoré. “Use this time to heal and focus on yourself; and on what you want in a relationship next time. And for more helpful tips and tricks delivered straight to your inbox, Subscribe to our daily newsletter.

Young man sitting at home.  Sad guy sitting on the sofa, copy space

It’s easy to interpret certain feelings as a sign of something bigger, but that’s not always the case. Relationship Coach Marie murphy, PhD, says everyone should know that “missing your ex isn’t a sign that the two of you are ‘meant to be together’.”

Sadness and the desire to communicate are common after a breakup, but that’s no reason to come to terms. “Feeling sad about an ending isn’t a sign that breaking up was a bad idea,” Murphy said. And for more tips for your dating future, check out Women who focus on this one thing alone are 60% more likely to divorce.

Man reading and studying at the table

To help keep you on track, Tessina recommends that you put away all of your ex’s reminders. “Pack up all the memories, gifts, photos and other relationship reminders, seal the box so that it is not easy to open, and store them somewhere until you’ve gotten over the worst of the loss,” she suggests. “Then you can take it out and decide what you want to keep. “

Experts also suggest filling your days so that you have less time to think about contacting your ex. “It’s common to find ourselves with a lot more free time when we’re no longer in a relationship. If we don’t fill that time with more productive things, our idle mind, left to its own devices, can sometimes choose to be on its own. dwell on our ex and ask yourself how things could have turned out differently. This can make you more vulnerable and tempted to give in and contact your ex, “explains psychotherapist Laura F. Dabney, MD. “Instead, find other ways to use this new free time so that your mind has less of a chance to obsess over your ex. Try to socialize even if you probably don’t want to.”

Dabney suggests having coffee with friends, taking a little road trip, or starting something new like “learn a new language, read a classic novel, or organize that closet.” And for more words of wisdom if you’re prone to rebounds, check out Telltale signs you’re not ready to date again, according to dating experts.

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