So it happened. Another to break up. And while you wish you could snap your fingers and forget about the “Do not text” contacts in your phone, overcome someone is much easier said than done. (Even after trying to google “How to Spell Your Ex.”)
Of course, you can easily get rid of the images, delete their text messages and block them on social networks, but that’s not the hard part. Erasing them from your mind is another story.
Maybe you are racking your brains over what went wrong. Maybe you replay your last sex session over and over again. Either way, there’s no denying that the hardest part of a breakup is often not being able to stop thinking about someone.
So while I would have liked to have had an accurate step-by-step guide on how to get this person out of your head completely, the reality is that there isn’t just one answer. Feelings of love, or even just a really deep “Like” with someone, don’t go away overnight. But that doesn’t mean you can’t work on it.
To help you out, we asked breakup pros like dating experts, sex therapists, writers and, yes, even a psychic, how to stop you from thinking about someone – and trust me, they answered. . While these might not clear you up completely, they can hopefully help you move on. Remember that time heals everything.
1. Distract yourself for literally being too busy to even think about it.
This may be the most obvious, but it’s true: One of the best ways to stop thinking about someone is to take that energy and redirect it into creating something new.
“Not only can a new project serve as a distraction, it can also reveal undiscovered talent,” says Bianca williams, author of the romantic series Put aside. “Whether it’s writing a book, developing a new app, or finally launching the new business plan you’ve been dreaming of, dig deep and let your emotional connection with this individual fuel you. You never know, it can lead you to your goal.
2. Set boundaries with yourself.
Just to let you know, you absolutely have the power to control where your mind goes and what you think about. But it’s a lot easier to do when you set limits with your ex after the breakup.
“At the start of the breakup phase, make it very clear what you need and what you don’t need from your ex to make the future more bearable,” says one dating expert. Vanessa russell, writer for Interactive on women’s health. “Tell them you don’t want them calling / texting you or under what circumstances it’s okay to reach out.”
She says it can also be helpful to figure out how to break the news to other mutual friends or close family, especially if you’ve been together for a while. “This will keep you on the same page, and if they maintain their end of the bargain and vice versa, it will gradually make them disappear from your mind and give you the time you need to heal and grow,” confirms she does. .
3. Give yourself time to feel sad, angry, or angry, or literally whatever.
You might be tempted to keep it all and keep it together, but a licensed therapist Oddesty K Langham suggests that you do the reverse. “It’s important to allow yourself to feel the feelings associated with breaking up or disconnecting with another person,” Langham says. “We should always recognize our feelings and grieve, if necessary, in a healthy and safe way. We should then start letting go, that is, move on with our life and pursue the desires that we have in life.
Once you allow yourself to fully feel all things, you may find that you have nothing left to feel or replay in your head.
4. Realize that you may still have lingering feelings for this person, and that’s okay.
I’m sure we would all like to stop caring for someone the moment we break up, but we all know that’s not how human emotions work. Clinical psychologist and relationship counselor Online for love Brenda Wade says it’s okay to still love your ex.
“Love is the greatest gift in life, and if love comes into your life, it is never wrong. But what you have to understand is that sometimes love isn’t enough for a relationship to work, ”she says. “But leaving a relationship doesn’t always mean the love you feel has ended. Sometimes the only way to let go is to love someone enough to want the best for them, even if that means not being together.
In other words, maybe once you stop blaming yourself for worrying about them, you might just stop thinking about them altogether.
5. Give yourself all the personal care.
Vaishali Nikhade, a medium whose readings focus primarily on relationships, comes with an excellent healing potion for the heartbroken mind: “Soak in a tub filled with water and Epsom salt to relax and unwind.” rejuvenate, ”she says. the unwanted thoughts, feelings, and energies that you don’t let go of.
Afterward, you’ll feel less heavy (and hopefully less stressed about your ex), she confirms. You can also try all the other fun things to pamper yourself like a massage, a new skin care routine, or a bubble bath.
6. In some cases, you may need to get a fence.
I can assure you that 99.99% of the time closing is a made-up concept that will not bring you peace. Most of the time, nothing your ex says will make you feel better. If anything, it will further delay your healing process.
But, that said, “sometimes we can’t stop thinking about someone because there are unresolved issues and things we need to tell them,” says Acamea deadwiler, author of Single That: dispelling the top 10 myths of the single woman.
Write a long letter to your ex about how you feel, why you are hurt, what you wanted from them, etc. without ever sending it. Sometimes just putting it all down on paper like you’re actually talking to that person will be what you need. It may also be helpful to speak to a counselor or therapist to help resolve issues with a licensed professional instead of your ex.
But if you really, really need to talk to your ex again and sort out the breakup a bit more (again, be careful), Deadwiler says it may help to talk to him. And if you know that it will give you more awareness and unloaded heart, it is worth it.
7. Reconnect with who you are.
Sometimes you get so wrapped up in trying to avoid thinking about your ex that you forget to think about yourself. But really, giving yourself the same attention you would have otherwise given them can help clear your mind.
“Take your calendar or your planner and make a list of the things you like to do alone or with your friends and family,” says the relationship expert. KS Lewis. “Start at the top and ‘make an appointment’ with yourself to do each item. Now is the perfect time to try a new restaurant, watch your favorite show, enjoy a day at the spa, or try an online cooking class. about you-know-who.
8. Again, write everything down.
As we mentioned earlier, writing is absolutely essential in getting rid of the stuff inside your head. And if you want to clear out certain thoughts, putting them down on paper can really help.
“Turn on some great music, pour a glass of your favorite wine and put a pen on paper. Once you start allowing yourself to recognize the thought, feel it and write it down, it’s amazing how much better you feel, ”matchmaker Jaida Pervis said.
By the way, if you’re not exactly the type to “write,” jotting down your thoughts in your Notes tab is just as effective.
9. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to get over the breakup quickly.
“Relying on someone who has been a part of all facets of your life can be difficult, no matter how long your relationship is,” says clinical sex therapist Rachel Sommer, PhD, co-founder of My guide to sex toys. “So give yourself time to grieve without setting time limits, have someone else deal with it quickly, and focus on self-care and individual improvement. ”
If you focus too much on why it takes so long to stop thinking about someone, you will only think about them more.
10. Delete the things in your life that remind you of them.
If you want to stop thinking about someone, you’re going to have to get rid of the things that remind you of them. “Our thoughts are generated by triggers that remind us of a real, individual experience, a previous event,” explains the psychotherapist. Nicolas hardy. (It can be a restaurant, some gym, clothes, gifts, etc.) “Either way, being intentional to part with ongoing reminders is extremely vital not to think of someone. . “
Keep in mind, we’re not saying you should avoid your favorite restaurant because you’ve been there once with your ex. But maybe it would be wise for your sanity if you avoided walking past your ex’s gym at around the same time that he spends there every day.
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